2007 July Archive at The Occasional Joke

Archive for July, 2007

Rattlesnake Ammo

Published by theJokeMaster on July 19, 2007 in Army Jokes. 0 Comments

An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter offensive tactics. That summer, the area had experienced an infestation of rattlesnakes. Officers and NCOs were given one magazine of live ammunition each to counter this danger, as several men had already been bitten.

So much ammunition was expended shooting, supposedly, at snakes that the post commander demanded that every officer and NCO who had shot at a snake present the dead snake as proof that the expenditure of rounds was justifiable.

The next day, the post commander entered his office and spotted a shoe box on his desk. He opened it, revealing a sleepy and sluggish, but very live, rattlesnake. Inside the box were twenty expended cartridges, and a short note. The note said, “I missed!”

- Received from Good Clean Fun (http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor)

VIP Impression

Published by theJokeMaster on July 17, 2007 in Jokes. 0 Comments

My husband was once employed in the printing division of a large manufacturing firm. One morning, word came from the top that some visiting VIPs would be touring the plant in just a few minutes. All production was immediately shut down as employees scrambled to quickly tidy up the work place.

When the appointed lookout yelled, “Here they come!” fifty fingers that were poised over fifty machine start-up buttons pressed down in unison and blew every fuse in the building.

Nutritious Eating

Published by theJokeMaster on July 13, 2007 in Diet Jokes. 0 Comments

According to a recent article I just read on nutrition, eating right doesn’t have to be complicated. Nutritionists say there is a simple way to tell if you’re eating right. Colors. Fill your plate with bright colors: Greens, Reds, Yellows.

In fact, I did that this morning. I had an entire bowl of M&M’s. It was delicious! I never knew eating right could be so easy.

Old Goats

Published by theJokeMaster on July 12, 2007 in Farm Jokes. 0 Comments

A group of Canadians was traveling by tour bus through Holland.

As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through a process of cheese making, explaining that goat’s milk was used.

She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced.

She then asked, “What do you do in Canada with your old goats that aren’t producing?”

A spry old gentleman answered, “They send us on bus tours.”