A short humourous break.
A priest at a parochial school wanted to point out the proper
behavior for church. He was trying to elicit from the youngsters,
rules that their parents might give before taking them to a nice restaurant.
“Don’t play with your food,” one second grader cited.
“Don’t be loud,” said another, and so on…
“And what rule do your parents give you before you go out to eat?”
the priest inquired of one little boy.
Without batting an eye, the child replied, “Order something cheap.”
It’s upgrade time for this particularly sensitive user, and the technician assigned to work with her knows the drill. “This user was known to start crying when faced with changes in her work environment,” says the tech. “We were upgrading the software she used and giving everyone in her department bigger monitors, and I wanted to take extra care that she understood the changes and was dealing with them OK.”
So when she calls the technician because she’s having a problem, he’s ready to listen patiently. But he’s not prepared for what he hears. “It’s going pretty well, I guess,” user tells him. “But it’s kind of hard to read the type in this new program.”
Tech examines the smallest type on the new screens. It all looks razor-sharp to him, and easier to read than in the old software on the old monitors. “Which part of the screen are you having trouble with?” he asks.
To his surprise, she launches the Windows Notepad and starts typing. The font is set to a large size, but she says, “This stuff here looks really blurry.”
“Hmm,” says the tech. “It seems like you might be due for a new prescription for your glasses. When’s the last time you were checked?”
“I just got new glasses a few days ago,” she says.
“Do the notes posted next to your computer also looked blurry?” he asks.
After a moment of looking at them, she replies, “Yeah, I guess so. I didn’t realize that. Maybe you’re right.”
When the tech tells the story to his boss, the boss’s response is an astonished “She’s been walking into walls for a week and she waits until today to blame it on our new software?”
From: Good Clean Fun
My wife and I - both graduate students - recently celebrated the arrival of our first child. At my wife’s insistence, we had paid our entire medical bill and were now worried about meeting other payments.
We were discussing our sad financial situation one evening when our son demanded a diaper change. As my wife leaned over the baby’s crib, I heard her mutter, “The only thing in the house that’s paid for, and it leaks.”
[forwarded by Steve Sanderson]
>From www.MikeysFunnies.com
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking.
Her friend asked her,”Why did you cut off the end of the ham”?
And she replied ,”I really don’t know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to.”
Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied, “I really don’t know, but that’s the way my mom always did it.”
A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, “Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?”
Her grandmother replied, “Well dear, otherwise it would never fit into my baking pan.”
HUSBAND: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
WIFE: I clean the toilet.
HUSBAND: How does that help?
WIFE: I use your toothbrush.
My girlfriend took her five-year-old daughter shopping with her. The little girl watched her mother try on outfit after outfit, exclaiming every time, “Mommy, you look beautiful.”
A woman in the next fitting room called out, “May I borrow your daughter for a moment?”
“This should be taken care of right away.”
- I’d planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.
“Well, what do we have here…?”
- He has no idea and is hoping you’ll give him a clue.
“Let me check your medical history.”
- I want to see if you’ve paid your last bill before spending anymore time with you.
“Why don’t we make another appointment later in the week.”
- I’m playing golf this afternoon, and this is a waste of time.
- or-
- I need the bucks, so I’m charging you for another office visit.
“We have some good news and some bad news.”
- The good news is, I’m going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you’re going to pay for it.
“Let’s see how it develops.”
- Maybe in a few days it will grow into something that can be cured.
“Let me schedule you for some tests.”
- I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
“I’d like to have my associate look at you.”
- He’s going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle.
“I’d like to prescribe a new drug.”
- I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
“If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.”
- I don’t know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.
“That’s quite a nasty looking wound.”
- I think I’m going to throw up.
“This may smart a little.”
- Last week two patients bit off their tongues.
“Well, we’re not feeling so well today, are we…?”
- I’m stalling for time. Who are you and why are you here?
“This should fix you up.”
- The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.
“Everything seems to be normal.”
- Rats! I guess I can’t buy that new beach condo after all.
“I’d like to run some more tests.”
- I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
“There is a lot of that going around.”
- That’s the third one this week. I’d better learn something about this.
“If the symptoms persist, call for an appointment.”
- I’ve never heard of anything so disgusting. Glad I’m off next week.