A short humourous break.
While attending a Marriage Weekend, Walter and his wife Ann, listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”
He addressed the men, “Can you name and describe your wife’s favorite flower?”
Walter leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently and whispered,
“Robin Hood-All-Purpose, isn’t it?”
And thus began Walter’s life of celibacy.
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Thanks to Jon for sending this in.
My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was and I told him, “62.”
He was quiet for a moment, then he asked, “Did you start at 1?”
~ As you leave the used car lot, you see the owner rush out with a gigantic smile and high-five the salesman.
~ You notice that the car phone they threw in “for free” has a direct line to Moe’s Towing Company.
~ The booster cables are not in the trunk but are permanently soldered to the battery.
~ The hood has been equipped with a push-button device for quick and easy opening.
~ The “Purchased From” sticker at the bottom of the rear license plate has been removed.
~ You get a “Good Luck” card from the previous owner.
~ As you drive up to a service station for gas, the mechanic opens the big door and waves you in.
~ When you leave for work the next morning, you notice a tow truck parked about a block from your driveway. As you go by, it silently falls in behind you.
~ The little “Service Engine” warning signal in the dashboard comes on and reads “Me Again.”
We were driving the other day and passed a business that was obviously having troubles beyond money. Their outdoor sign in front of the building read:
$T0P $T3AL1NG 0UR L3TT3R$!
A young man is about to go on his first date and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.”
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy’s nervousness builds. He remembers his father’s advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: “Do you like potato pancakes?” She says “No,” and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, “Do you have a brother?” Again, the girl says “No” and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father’s advice and asks the girl the following question: “If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?”
When we agreed to help our sergeant move to a new apartment, we didn’t know the elevator wasn’t working. So after hours of carrying heavy boxes and furniture up 11 floors, we were wiped out. And when the sergeant asked us to search for his favorite pot, no one moved.
“I’ll give a bottle of Scotch to whoever finds it,” he shouted.
Within minutes, a private found the pot.
“Good,” said the sarge. “Now look for the Scotch.”
An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.
“Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely.
“The front row please,” she answered.
“You really don’t want to do that,” the usher said. “The pastor is really boring.”
“Do you happen to know who I am?” the woman inquired.
“No,” he said.
“I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly.
“Do you know who I am?” he asked.
“No,” she said.
“Good,” he answered, “Let me show you the front pew.”
[forwarded by Wally Pitchford]
One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter’s indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department.
“We don’t do that anymore,” the woman dispatcher said. When I persisted, she was polite but firm. “The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough.”
“How do you know that?” I asked.
“Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?” she said.
Two hours later the cat was back, looking for breakfast.
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
[forwarded by Jo]