Those of us in Canada celebrated Thanksgiving this weekend. Here’s to us.
I ate too much turkey, I ate too much corn,
I ate too much pudding and pie.
I’m stuffed up with muffins and too much stuffin’
I’m probably going to die.
I piled up my plate and I ate and I ate.
But I wish I had known when to stop,
For I’m so crammed with yams, sauces, gravies, and jams
That my buttons are starting to pop!
I’m full of tomatoes and french fried potatoes
My stomach is swollen and sore,
But there’s still some dessert so I guess it won’t hurt if
I eat just a little bit more!
Related Reading:
My six-year-old grandson called his mother from his friend Charlie’s house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room.
“But, Mom,” he said, brightening, “you don’t have to worry about buying another one. Charlie’s mother said it was irreplaceable.”
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I asked my nephew whether he bought his wife anything for Valentine’s Day. “Yes”, he said, “I bought her a belt and a bag.”
“That was very nice of you”, I replied, “I hope she appreciated the thought.”
He said, “So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.”
[Received from Mikey's Funnies]
Related Reading:
My six-year-old grandson called his mother from his friend Charlie’s house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room.
“But, Mom,” he said, brightening, “you don’t have to worry about buying another one. Charlie’s mother said it was irreplaceable.”
Related Reading:
I asked my nephew whether he bought his wife anything for Valentine’s Day. “Yes”, he said, “I bought her a belt and a bag.”
“That was very nice of you”, I replied, “I hope she appreciated the thought.”
He said, “So do I, and hopefully the vaccuum cleaner will work better now.”
[forwarded by John Farrow] [Received from Mikey's Funnies]
Related Reading:
It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice and dropped in his fishing line. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not far from him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass.
The old man couldn’t believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch.
The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn’t take it any longer. “Son, I’ve been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You’ve been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?”
The boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm.”
“What was that?” the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm.”
“Look,” said the old man, “I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”
The boy spit the contents of his mouth into his hand and said, “You have to keep the worms warm!”
Related Reading:
While attending a Marriage Weekend, Walter and his wife Ann, listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”
He addressed the men, “Can you name and describe your wife’s favorite flower?”
Walter leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently and whispered,
“Robin Hood-All-Purpose, isn’t it?”
And thus began Walter’s life of celibacy.
___________________________________
Thanks to Jon for sending this in.
Related Reading:
My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was and I told him, “62.”
He was quiet for a moment, then he asked, “Did you start at 1?”
Related Reading:
~ As you leave the used car lot, you see the owner rush out with a gigantic smile and high-five the salesman.
~ You notice that the car phone they threw in “for free” has a direct line to Moe’s Towing Company.
~ The booster cables are not in the trunk but are permanently soldered to the battery.
~ The hood has been equipped with a push-button device for quick and easy opening.
~ The “Purchased From” sticker at the bottom of the rear license plate has been removed.
~ You get a “Good Luck” card from the previous owner.
~ As you drive up to a service station for gas, the mechanic opens the big door and waves you in.
~ When you leave for work the next morning, you notice a tow truck parked about a block from your driveway. As you go by, it silently falls in behind you.
~ The little “Service Engine” warning signal in the dashboard comes on and reads “Me Again.”
Related Reading:
We were driving the other day and passed a business that was obviously having troubles beyond money. Their outdoor sign in front of the building read:
$T0P $T3AL1NG 0UR L3TT3R$!
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