II. Thou shalt not take the name of thy Squeeze in vain, nor badmouth her behind her back.

III. Remember our Anniversary, and keep it holy–or else.

IV. Honor MY mother and father. THINE are just too weird.

V. Thou shalt not kill my love by behaving tackily or cause undo embarrassment when I am with thee.

VI. Thou shalt not commit adultery, nor shalt thou even THINK about it least you be smitten from the earth.

VII. Thou shalt not steal from my wallet/purse while I am at my bath, nor use my credit cards, nor make long-distance calls from my telephone.

VIII. Thou shalt not talk about our personal problems to our friends.

IX. Thou shalt not covet the higher market price of thy neighbor’s house without first puttin’ down the remote and learnin’ how to use a paintbrush!

X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s main Squeeze, nor his son, nor his daughter, nor his stereo, nor his BMW, nor anything else that belongs to thy neighbor.

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy’s nervousness builds. He remembers his father’s advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: “Do you like potato pancakes?” She says “No,” and the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, “Do you have a brother?” Again, the girl says “No” and there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father’s advice and asks the girl the following question: “If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?”