Diet Jokes

The Purina Diet

Published by theJokeMaster on July 15, 2009 in Animal and Pet Jokes, Diet Jokes, Food Jokes and Hospital Humour. 0 Comments

Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of dog food at Wal-Mart. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had – an elephant?

Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no I didn’t have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I had lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to give it a try again. (I have to mention here that everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to scratch my fleas and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard.

Wal-Mart won’t let me shop there anymore.

[forwarded by Amelia Lanning and sent to me by Mikeys Funnies]

Nutritious Eating

Published by theJokeMaster on July 13, 2007 in Diet Jokes. 0 Comments

According to a recent article I just read on nutrition, eating right doesn’t have to be complicated. Nutritionists say there is a simple way to tell if you’re eating right. Colors. Fill your plate with bright colors: Greens, Reds, Yellows.

In fact, I did that this morning. I had an entire bowl of M&M’s. It was delicious! I never knew eating right could be so easy.

New Diet discovered in Newfoundland

Published by theJokeMaster on February 22, 2007 in Diet Jokes. 0 Comments

A Newfie was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.

When the Newfie returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS!

“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said, “Did you follow my instructions?”
The Newfie nodded….. “I’ll tell ya though, I t’aut I were going to drop dead dat 3rd day.”

From hunger, you mean?”

“No from the friggin skippin.”