A short humourous break.
My six-year-old grandson called his mother from his friend Charlie’s house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room.
“But, Mom,” he said, brightening, “you don’t have to worry about buying another one. Charlie’s mother said it was irreplaceable.”
My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was and I told him, “62.”
He was quiet for a moment, then he asked, “Did you start at 1?”
A mother’s four-year-old daughter was attending her first performance of the Ice Capades. She was so mesmerized that she wouldn’t budge from her seat even during intermission, watching the activity while the ice was cleaned.
At the end of the show, she exclaimed, “I know what I want to be when I grow up!”
The mother envisioned her on the ice in another 15 years, starring in the Ice Capades.
She was brought back to earth when the daughter continued, “I want to be a zamboni driver!”
Parents are expected to participate in their children’s education, and my friends were no exception. They gladly help their fifth-grade son, Andrew, whenever he’s stumped. One day after school, Andrew ran into the house waving a paper in the air. “Hey, Mom, great news! There were only three mistakes on my math homework,” he announced. “You made one, Dad made one and I made one!”
When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer.
Never tell your Mom her diet’s not working.
Stay away from prunes.
Don’t pull Dad’s finger when he tells you to.
Never let your three-year-old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick.
Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat.
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your Mom when she’s on the phone.
A few years ago we were desperately trying to sell our house, which was situated on a busy thoroughfare. Our real estate agent decided to have open-house inspection nearly every day to promote the sale. We instructed the children not to talk to anyone about the house.
One evening a man took our seven-year-old daughter aside and asked if our house had any secrets he should know. Her first reaction was to smile and ignore his question. But he became more persistent and, finally, she confessed there was one secret but she could not tell it to him.
“Now we’re getting somewhere,” he said. “Tell me the secret. I promise I won’t tell anyone.”
She looked him straight in the eye and whispered, “We have monsters in our sewer.”
A priest at a parochial school wanted to point out the proper
behavior for church. He was trying to elicit from the youngsters,
rules that their parents might give before taking them to a nice restaurant.
“Don’t play with your food,” one second grader cited.
“Don’t be loud,” said another, and so on…
“And what rule do your parents give you before you go out to eat?”
the priest inquired of one little boy.
Without batting an eye, the child replied, “Order something cheap.”
My girlfriend took her five-year-old daughter shopping with her. The little girl watched her mother try on outfit after outfit, exclaiming every time, “Mommy, you look beautiful.”
A woman in the next fitting room called out, “May I borrow your daughter for a moment?”
A teacher said to her student, “William, if both of your parents were born in 1976, how old are they now?”
After a few moments, William answered, “It depends.”
“It depends on what?” she asked.
“It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother.”
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: “They couldn’t get a baby sitter.”