A few years ago we were desperately trying to sell our house, which was situated on a busy thoroughfare. Our real estate agent decided to have open-house inspection nearly every day to promote the sale. We instructed the children not to talk to anyone about the house.
One evening a man took our seven-year-old daughter aside and asked if our house had any secrets he should know. Her first reaction was to smile and ignore his question. But he became more persistent and, finally, she confessed there was one secret but she could not tell it to him.
“Now we’re getting somewhere,” he said. “Tell me the secret. I promise I won’t tell anyone.”
She looked him straight in the eye and whispered, “We have monsters in our sewer.”
A priest at a parochial school wanted to point out the proper
behavior for church. He was trying to elicit from the youngsters,
rules that their parents might give before taking them to a nice restaurant.
“Don’t play with your food,” one second grader cited.
“Don’t be loud,” said another, and so on…
“And what rule do your parents give you before you go out to eat?”
the priest inquired of one little boy.
Without batting an eye, the child replied, “Order something cheap.”
My girlfriend took her five-year-old daughter shopping with her. The little girl watched her mother try on outfit after outfit, exclaiming every time, “Mommy, you look beautiful.”
A woman in the next fitting room called out, “May I borrow your daughter for a moment?”
A teacher said to her student, “William, if both of your parents were born in 1976, how old are they now?”
After a few moments, William answered, “It depends.”
“It depends on what?” she asked.
“It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother.”
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: “They couldn’t get a baby sitter.”
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, “Johnny, what is the matter?” Little Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!” While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress.
She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! in. As she ran she once again began to pray, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late… But please don’t shove me either!”
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?” “Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.”
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, “So why is the groom wearing black?”
A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shootone of them, how many will be left?” She calls on little Jack.
He replies, “None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.”
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, “What do you think about all this Satan stuff?” The other boy replied, “Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It’s probably just your Dad.