A short humourous break.
Jake had proposed to young Gina, and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law. “Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?” the older man asked the suitor.
“Yes, Sir,” replied Jake, “I’m sure I am.”
“Think carefully now,” said Gina’s father. “There are twelve of us…”
(Received from Good Clean Fun)
I. I am thy Main Squeeze; thou shalt have no other squeeze before me.
II. Thou shalt not take the name of thy Squeeze in vain, nor badmouth her behind her back.
III. Remember our Anniversary, and keep it holy–or else.
IV. Honor MY mother and father. THINE are just too weird.
V. Thou shalt not kill my love by behaving tackily or cause undo embarrassment when I am with thee.
VI. Thou shalt not commit adultery, nor shalt thou even THINK about it least you be smitten from the earth.
VII. Thou shalt not steal from my wallet/purse while I am at my bath, nor use my credit cards, nor make long-distance calls from my telephone.
VIII. Thou shalt not talk about our personal problems to our friends.
IX. Thou shalt not covet the higher market price of thy neighbor’s house without first puttin’ down the remote and learnin’ how to use a paintbrush!
X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s main Squeeze, nor his son, nor his daughter, nor his stereo, nor his BMW, nor anything else that belongs to thy neighbor.
I asked my nephew whether he bought his wife anything for Valentine’s Day. “Yes”, he said, “I bought her a belt and a bag.”
“That was very nice of you”, I replied, “I hope she appreciated the thought.”
He said, “So do I, and hopefully the vaccuum cleaner will work better now.”
[forwarded by John Farrow] [Received from Mikey's Funnies]
While attending a Marriage Weekend, Walter and his wife Ann, listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”
He addressed the men, “Can you name and describe your wife’s favorite flower?”
Walter leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently and whispered,
“Robin Hood-All-Purpose, isn’t it?”
And thus began Walter’s life of celibacy.
___________________________________
Thanks to Jon for sending this in.
HUSBAND: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
WIFE: I clean the toilet.
HUSBAND: How does that help?
WIFE: I use your toothbrush.
A new widow requested the epitaph “Rest in Peace” for her husband’s tombstone. When she later found he had left his fortune to his mistress, she attempted to get the engraver to change the carving. This was impossible; the words were chiseled and could not be changed.
“In that case,” she said, “please add ‘Until We Meet Again.’”